So I guess there was an election last week in some country not far from here, and the result was not just a surprise but an almighty shock. The pundits got it wrong. The polls got it wrong. The parties got it wrong. Much of the talk since then has been why—why did Trump win, why did Clinton lose, why did nobody see it coming?
Of course, there is a set of prophets who really should have seen it coming, because they get the word directly from Spirit, or the stars, or the all-knowing Tarot: the online psychics and astrologers. It turns out that some did indeed get it right, for various peculiar reasons, while others did no better than the pollsters or pundits but have far more entertaining excuses. Here is a small selection.
THREE WHO GOT IT WRONG
Jeanne Mayell has two Masters degrees from Harvard, in Public Health and Education. Wearing her other head, she is a psychic, an expert reader of tarot cards, and the organizer of The World Predictions Group, where her masterclass students meditate with her to produce high-quality prognostications. With their input, she compiles a list of month-by-month predictions at the beginning of the year, and updates frequently. Her technique allows huge latitude for interpretation: she simply lists one-liner summaries of her “visions” (aka dreams) and those of her students, and claims a hit when something remotely applicable happens somewhere or other in the world. Which is standard procedure for such psychics.
Coming to the election, Mayell and her students confidently predicted victory for Clinton, based on visions like these:
- Extra large donkey on its front hoofs, with rear end kicking high in the air. It’s a mighty Hee-Haw.
- Map of U.S. Hillary smiling, Trump grimacing.
- Obama pumping fist in victorious gesture and saying, “Yes!”
- Hillary Clinton gets out of a limo in a black pant suit – feeling of victory.
- Donald throws in the towel. Very angry.
- Celebrations, flower (a woman president).
Excuse for Failure: In a masterpiece of faux self-awareness, Mayell blamed her whopping great failure on a number of factors, including a form of confirmation bias, but the major excuse involved timing. Apparently the visions must have been about events in the weeks before the election, when the polls put Clinton ahead of Trump—so the visions were correct, but the interpreters simply got the wrong timeframe, and had no clear view of the actual election. However, looking ahead to Mayell’s equally confident predictions for 2017, we find quite a few visions of Clinton on the inaugural platform, stressed out by scandals in the White House, and facing calls for her resignation by the end of the year.
Busted, Ms. Mayell.
Danielle Egnew is a musician, writer, and all-around medium: a clairvoyant channeller, healer, psychic advisor, and ghostbuster—that is, paranormal investigator. On her youtube channel, she’s an engaging wild child, charmingly batty, irrepressibly bursting with love and joy and New Agey exuberance. She’s impossible not to like, but five minutes in her company would leave me gibbering.
Egnew’s reason for predicting a Clinton victory had less to do with politics than with planetary energetics. Or something like that, though there was much, much more. In a video and blog post published in May 2016, she declared that Trump could not possibly win because:
As of December 21st 2012, known as the Mayan New Year, or “the end of the world”, the earth entered into a 100,000 year feminine energetic timeframe, moving out of a 100,000 masculine energetic timeframe…. In this election, it will not matter who runs against Hillary Clinton. They will be struggling against a much greater tide. She is the match for the energetic shift we have engaged, part old world, part new world, requiring the strong feminine to navigate.
Ergo, Clinton had to win because Woman.
Excuse for Failure: Egnew’s post-election musings were published on 16th November on her youtube channel and at enormous length (about 4700 rambling words) on her blog. Overtly, she made no excuse. Crap happens. People, including psychics, can be wrong. The Universe whammed her with vivid messages about Clinton’s upcoming presidency, and she trusted the universe was right. But it seems that, owing to free will, the future is not set in stone, and psychics should hesitate to put their prophecies down in black and white because things change and then it looks like they don’t know what they’re talking about. Which is at least honest of her, but one has to ask—in that case, what distinguishes a psychic prophecy from a blind guess, and what use is it?
But wait—she does point out that the Universe’s crucially important message in May was only partly to do with who would win the damned election, and more about “consciousness and how important it was for us to claim our own power this election– and how not put our faith in one person at the top to save us.” So that’s all right, then. At any rate, Egnew continues to be cheerful and undaunted, and even leaves the door open for uncertainty regarding the result:
I’m still feeling a strange, nagging wiggle in the time line regarding this election. Something still feels off to me, unsettled, not locked in, like a crack in a dam that’s about to burst and blow the whole thing apart. Perhaps it’s my own shock at the situation, yet I suspect due to the energetic nature of this wiggle that it’s more. I’ll wait for time to reveal that one. Not because I’m afraid of being wrong, but because I’m honestly not being told what that wiggle is about.
I suppose time will tell. Maybe.
Joni Patry (pronounced pa-TREE) is a Vedic astrologer with very big hair, whose video persona gives me a distinctly uncanny-valley vibe. In her election-prophecy video of 19th October, she talked of having just returned from an astrology conference, where all the other astrologers agreed that the stars were set right for Clinton to win. However, a Vedic astrologer apparently has access to more techniques and tools than Western astrologers. So, while she agreed with the others that Clinton would win (in fact, she chuckled, you didn’t have to be an astrologer to foresee that), her charts told her more, much more.
Basically, she saw a victory for Clinton, but also that some major event—possibly the disclosure of a deeply hidden secret—would occur between the election and the inauguration, something that could change everything, around New Year’s. The kicker, you see, was the eclipse in September, which somehow signified that certain secrets have not yet been revealed to us. And then she told us why, in a half-hour of intensely technical bafflegab about planets and conjoints and transitings and quincunxes, which sounds dirty but isn’t.
It was all perfectly obvious from the star charts. Trump’s chart showed that his transiting Jupiter was about to conjoin his natal Jupiter around election day, and his natal Jupiter (hold onto your hats) was at 24 degrees of Virgo. And, as if that were not enough, by Nov 14 he would be (big breath) going into Jupiter’s mahadasha . Clinton’s chart could not be drawn up directly because Patry did not know her birth time, but a great deal could be inferred from Chelsea Clinton’s chart. Now, shockingly, Chelsea’s rahu is where it was during the Monica Lewinsky thing in the 1990s, and that place is a nexus of scandal and humiliation. Not a good sign for Clinton’s presidency.
The bottom line: Clinton would win the election but would probably be disqualified after the huge revelations made when Trump moved into his Jupiter mahadasha a week after the election. Which is about now—though I’m not holding my breath
Excuse for failure: Silence, as of the time of writing. The only video she has posted since then is a book report. I would not like to predict what her rationalizations will be if she ever makes them, because, hey, I’m not psychic.
THREE WHO GOT IT RIGHT
A youtuber nymmed 84chikys is Wednesday Addams to the life, I swear. Her specialty is tarot, and the cards told her unequivocally that Trump would win, even though the election was rigged to favour Clinton. Trump, she tells us, is an apostate from the Illuminati, who therefore have their knives out for him, whereas Clinton remains a member in good sociopathic standing. And you can check 84chikys’s work, because she does the tarot reading right on line and explains every card. How could one argue with such solid reasoning?
Liam of KIN (LIAMOFKIN) is one of two bloggers (the other is Fefe) owning a site called KNOWITNEXT, a heady mix of conspiracies, aliens, survivalism, and miscellaneous nuttery. According to Liam, the pivotal moment of the election was way back in June 2015, when Trump made a deal with the Devil:
The devil paid an astral visit to Trump in his headquarters in New York…. Donald was to serve his will in exchange for handing him the keys to the White House. Donald wasn’t initially convinced that it was going to happen, but when he made the deal and began to see the waters of the political world part all around him, Donald began to realize his pact was cemented in blood.
However, the Donald developed a “moral conscious” and got cold feet, and thereafter made earnest efforts to “tank himself,” which is why he said all those outrageous things. This, in turn, caused the Devil to have second thoughts about the Donald. Therefore, Liamofkin has a strong feeling that both Trump and Pence will be assassinated on November 30th, by a man of Muslim heritage. The Devil kept his bargain, and the Devil will have his due.
But there was another important factor: aliens. No, not Mexicans, but the kinds that live in space. Apparently any nuclear bombs exploded on Earth send energy waves rippling through the cosmos that can make life on other planets unsustainable—hence, the ETs rigged the vote against “Nuclear Hillary” by fiddling with the count. Oh, and they feel bad about lumbering us with Trump, but since Liam predicts he’ll be dead in a couple of weeks anyway, I guess we can let it go. Liam is not explicit on how the aliens and the devil fit together, but one of his commenters helpfully suggests that the aliens are actually fallen angels in league with the Devil. So that explains it.
Liam ends with a plea for us all to work together for a better world—no, wait. What he actually says is, “The problem with US society isn’t one candidate or political party but a structural deficiency that needs to be upended by violent force if necessary.”
Cosmic Dawn New Galactic Paranormal Warrior Alliance
The Cosmic Dawn etc. shamanic-druid guru slaughtered a goat and read Trump’s victory in the entrails – nah, I made this one up, because I’ve spent two solid days in the world of the online psychics, and I’m tired of being knee-deep in batshit. But the goat thing makes about as much sense as all the others.