• Things Atheists are Outraged By (after Carrie Underwood’s Latest Song)

    Carrie_Underwood_-_LP_Field_-_CMA_Fest_2013_-_Nashville,_Tn_237Apparently, atheists are absolutely outraged by Carrie Underwood’s latest song. You may ask how I know this, and there’s a simple answer to that question:

    I was told it by a no less an authoritative source on atheist outrage than the Conservative Tribune, as well as the always accurate Tell Me Now and MR Conservative.

    (In a delicious bit of irony, I think MR Conservative is supposed to be “Mister Conservative” but could easily be mistaken for another type of MR by the casual reader. But I digress…)

    Now that we’ve cleared that up, let’s examine some of the other things that atheists are outraged by (after, of course, that song).

    ——-

    People being wrong on the internet

    This may shock some of my more delicate readers, but it’s true: People, on the internet, are often wrong. From thinking that Noah’s Ark was a real thing, or that the Shroud of Turin wasn’t a medieval creation, or that the Old and New Testaments are contradiction free, people believe all sorts of demonstrably wrong things. And boy, does it piss us off!

    Getting confused with Satanists

    Look, I know atheists are about as trusted as rapists and all, but for real? The whole thing about being an atheist is that you don’t believe in a god or gods. And if you don’t believe in a god, then you certainly aren’t going to believe in a devil. Maybe part of the confusion stems from the fact that most “Satanists” are actually atheists. Or maybe it’s from the fact that most people have a hard time wrapping their heads around the idea of a person just not believing in any supernatural forces. Either way, it’s not true, just like so many other myths about atheists.

    Wearing pants

    Come on, no one likes pants. It doesn’t matter what you believe or disbelieve in, no one puts on pants and thinks “Boy howdy, sure am glad I get to wear these today!”

    People thinking we have no morals

    Don’t believe in a god? Then you must, obviously, be a terrible person. You’d probably go about raping and murdering and eating babies and whatnot. That’s why you see so many atheists in prison, right? And by “so many” I of course mean “0.07%” of the federal prison population (for comparison, Mormons make up 0.28% and Protestants make up 26.7%). Where do we get our morals? My friend Dr. Darrel Ray tells us where, in language so simple that even a fan of modern-day country music could understand.

    From the constant development of our culture. From the evolution of laws and guidelines that help us create a peaceful and prosperous society. We are who create our morality and we pass it down to our children and grandchildren.

    ——-

    I could, of course, go on about all the misinformation people have about atheists, or how an atheist cannot hold public office in certain states in the US, or the myriad of ways atheists have been discriminated against through the world and across time, but I think what is most important to note is that ATHEISTS DON’T ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT A CARRIE UNDERWOOD SONG.

    Seriously, we don’t.

    Category: HumorReligionSecularism

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    Article by: Caleb Lack

    Caleb Lack is the author of "Great Plains Skeptic" on SIN, as well as a clinical psychologist, professor, and researcher. His website contains many more exciting details, visit it at www.caleblack.com
    • An Ardent Skeptic

      I have absolutely no idea who Carrie Underwood is so I’m outraged that I don’t know what I’m supposed to be outraged about.

      • You really aren’t missing much, Ardent!

        • hannahalice1000 .

          He’s now probably now outraged about not missing much

    • kraut2

      Honestly, Carrie who?

      And babies are delicious, but what about the whatnot?

      • You’ve never had whatnot? It’s made from the crushed dreams of children, after us terrible atheists tell them Santa Claus is a lie. Absolutely delicious!

    • Six things that outrage me more than Carrie Underwood:

      1. That one level on TwoDots
      2. Overly heavy moderation
      3. Ticks, Mosquitos, Congress
      4. Overly light moderation
      5. Death by snoo-snoo
      6. Fish tacos

      • Fish tacos = GROSS.

        • Guest

          I hereby declare jihad against all deniers of fish tacos. They are subhuman and do not deserve to live. There has to be something in my holy book about this…. here we go – something about fishes and loaves? Doesn’t that add up to a fish taco?

      • Carol Sperling

        Infidel ! I hereby declare jihad against all deniers of fish tacos. They are subhuman and do not deserve to live. There has to be something in my holy book about this…. here we go – something about fishes and loaves? Doesn’t that add up to a fish taco?

    • I’m no more offended by someone who believes in God than by someone who believes in Mickey Mouse. Both are fictional characters.

    • Hamstray

      Musicologists outraged by Carrie Underwho?s latest “Song”