• Sexual Fantasies: ‘Why Is The One Flesh Not Enough?’

    Apparently there is some Christian “counselor” who is writing a book about the dangers of sexual fantasies. In her description she wonders why the one flesh is not enough. Her view appears to be that sexual fantasies are a symptom of emotional trauma and that people shouldn’t act on them.

    In my opinion, that is wrong is so many ways. For starters, the idea of “one flesh” is simply ridiculously stupid. I would go as far as to call it the “R-word” but that would probably offend some one and we can’t have that. Sex is a complicated subject. There are many reasons why people have sex. Sex can be an emotional bond for some people, but it isn’t always. Sometimes people just have sex because it’s fun. So while some people use sex to gain a level of intimacy with each other that is not always the case.

    While some sexual fantasies may have originated do to some trauma that is highly debatable. No one really knows why we have the sexual fantasies that we have. In all likelihood, they are a product of both our nature and our nurture and so a trauma may play a role, but it probably isn’t the whole story.

    The Christian view apparently expressed by this “counselor” plays into the narrative that sexuality is a sin and sexual fantasies are an abomination. If you have a sexual fantasy, not only should you not act on it, you should repent immediately. Sexual desires are just a sign that you are an evil sinner who needs Jesus.

    This is another reason why atheism can be so freeing. We don’t have to be controlled by these clowns any more. We don’t have to be afraid of our sexuality or our sexual desires and fantasies. We are free to explore our sexual fantasies with consenting adults. We don’t have to worry about being tortured for all eternity in Hell because we thought about sex for a purpose other than procreation.

    I also want to point out that this isn’t just a problem that some Christians have toward sexuality; rather it is a problem that Christianity has toward sexuality. I will refer you to the handbook of Christianity, the Bible:

    “But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast [it] from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not [that] thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast [it] from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not [that] thy whole body should be cast into hell.” – Matthew 5:28-30

    Those are Jesus’s words. When it comes to sexual fantasies, just having them is a sin according to the Bible.

    Varity is the spice of life and so as an atheist, I encourage people to not only have sexual fantasies, but to experience those fantasies with consenting adults whenever possible. We shouldn’t be ashamed of our fantasies or our sexuality. It shouldn’t matter if society considers something kinky or strange as long as the people involved are consenting adults, they shouldn’t feel societal pressure not to experiment with their sexual fantasies. Sometimes they will discover that the fantasy is better than the reality and other times they will enjoy the reality far more than the fantasy alone could have offered.

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    Category: ChristianitySex Positive

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    Article by: Staks Rosch

    Staks Rosch is a writer for the Skeptic Ink Network & Huffington Post, and is also a freelance writer for Publishers Weekly. Currently he serves as the head of the Philadelphia Coalition of Reason and is a stay-at-home dad.

    10 comments

    1. I agree. I think US society as a whole has a problem letting people be sexual in healthy ways. It’s unfortunate, because the sort of stigma attached to sexual fantasies and sex in general is so damaging. I wonder how much the extreme type of Christian view on sex that you cite above percolates into the rest of society and affects even the people who would not go to this counselor or who are not themselves so extreme in their religious views.

    2. I am a Christian who just recently was revived from atheism(I was A Christian years ago). I do believe that sex was created by a Holy and perfect Spirit of love. Can sexual fantasy become evil? I think yes. If a person were having fantasies of child rape and molestation, this would be one example of how evil powers can use the beautiful gift of sex for abominable practices.

      1. I agree that if someone acts on fantasies that result in child rape or molestation, it is wrong. But why limit inapprorpriate behavior to stem only from sexual fantasies? Someone could have a fantasy about killing his neighbor or killing is neighbor’s child – if those fantasies are acted upon, it is also wrong/evil. Why single out sex? By telling people any sexual fantasy is sinful, the counselor is doing great harm to that person’s sexuality.

        Also, the decision to act (or not) on a fantasy is entirely the responsibility of the person having the fantasy. Any fantasy. About anything, ever. Having the fantasy does not make someone evil/bad/sinful. It is the acts and behavior that the person does (based on fantasy or not) that makes him good/bad or his acts legal/illegal.

        Moreover, the blogger made a point to use the phrase ‘consenting adults’ each time he referred to acting on a fantasy. Children, in the case of child rape or molestation, cannot legally or knowingly consent or offer inormed consent to be raped or molested. Thus, focusing on fantasies/actions born out of fantasies of child rape do not belong in a conversation about sexual acts between consenting adults.

        1. I would have to disagree with the both of you. Rape and molestation is brought on by sick people who should have never been created and if there was a god he would have helped them as the bible state not put them hear to kill molest, and rape other good people. “ask and you will receive.” I have asked and it was like a Jeanne, when you come close to a wish it get snatched away, like my sex life. I have one child that I asked for, after that 2 years later no sex.

    3. Just another form of attempted mind control. I don’t miss religion, or any followers, telling me what I may or may not think about.

    4. Where are all the bible literalists with missing hands and eyes? I don’t believe for one minute that every single one of them has resisted ever looking on a woman “with lust.”

    5. I don’t believe in the bible. “First day as an Atheist.” But why do I feel so strongly about sinful discussion. What does that word really mean? I believed in the Lord for so long, but considering nothing ever goes right for good people but always for the bad people, it had me scratching my head. I called his name but no answer. I spoke to preacher but there favorite answer is look in your heart. Jesus I believe was a nice man that set us on a path to live but after so long his words were twisted. I Don’t Know what to believe now.

    6. The bible previously and later states that adultery is to mean sexual relationships or fantasies involving those other than your spouse. So, while wedded, thinking about how you would have sexual intercourse with your neighbor across the street is a sin, not not if you’re not married. This might seem or even be controlling, but it isn’t that far fetched or even wrong. To a very large extent, that’s a good principle to live by.

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