• Two Jokes About Atheism

    Readers, what do you think of these jokes? Are they funny? Do they contain anything like truth about atheism or atheists?

    For some reason, both jokes take place on planes and involve children.

    First joke:

    An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

    The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, “What would you want to talk about?”

    “Oh, I don’t know,” said the atheist. “How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?” as he smiled smugly.

    “Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

    The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don’t know shit?”

    And then she went back to reading her book.

    Second joke:

    An elderly rabbi was once on an airplane to Israel sitting next to a self-professed atheist. They were amicably chatting the whole trip.

    Every now and then, the rabbi’s grandchild, sitting in another row, would come over to him, bringing him a drink, or asking if he could get anything to make him more comfortable. After this happened several times, the atheist sighed, “I wish my grandchildren would treat me with such respect. They hardly even say hello to me. What’s your secret?”

    The rabbi replied: “Think about it. To my grandchildren, I am two generations closer to Adam and Eve, the two individuals made by the hand of G‑d. So they look up to me. But according to the philosophy which you teach your grandchildren, you are two generations closer to being an ape. So why should they look up to you?”

    Category: Uncategorized


    Article by: Larry Tanner

    One Pingback/Trackback

    • SmilodonsRetreat

      Both of these sound like the propaganda used in WWII or Vietnam. Denigrate the opponent. Make them seem less than human.

      Besides, they aren’t even funny.

      • fergalf

        Less human? A bit OTT don’t you think?

      • Chris

        It would actually probably be the other way around since the Soviet Union forced state atheism/secularism on the people, and used governmental institutions to oppress Christians (such as the Gulags).


      • Laurie Soper

        On the contrary. Jokes like these actually bring our humanness into focus. It brings us down to earth on the same level as everyone else. It’s very important to make fun of ourselves. It can be one of the most powerful ways to raise recognition and exposure of atheism among friends, family and the public. We can learn from the gay and lesbian community back in the 70s and 80s. They embraced all the most derogatory monikers and took ownership of them while making fun of themselves, and thereby empowered themselves and raised their collective power in policy making and language change.

    • scott

      My sister-in-law (an I would not be alive today if not for Jesus person) posted the first joke on her facebook page. I replied that that Muslim child sure seemed intelligent. I did not get a reply.

      • kevin

        That comment needs more upvotes.

    • GubbaBumpkin

      The first joke is entirely generic, you could substitute almost anything in place of “atheist” and it would turn out the same. Example: A dentist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane … To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss crowns vs. implants when you don’t know shit?'”

    • Phasespace

      Niether of them are funny. They propagate stereotypes that atheists are arrogant, lacking in empathy and social graces and ultimately paint atheists as less than believers.

      I got into a little tussle with a friend on facebook about the first one. I *think* she ultimately understood why it was offensive, but some of her friends didn’t get it.

    • im-skeptical

      I thought the first one was funny. (I haven’t heard it before.) But it reveals a kind of arrogance. If anyone said something like that to me, I’d point out to them that they probably don’t know any more about shit than I do.

      The second one shows a similar arrogance, but without the cleverness.

      • Lorenzo Benito

        Or that shit and the existence of God are 2 different, unrelated concepts.

        • kevin


          I thought they were related to the point of being practically indistinguishable.
          Yeah, I know. 4 years late. But I got redirected here, from Quora, only ten minutes ago, so …

    • Metaphoenix42

      I got a decent laugh out of the first one. The second one seems more like an apologetic story than a joke (like that one about a young Einstein arguing with a professor about God).

    • GubbaBumpkin

      Of course Christian apologists know all about bullshit, it’s their primary product.

      • lartanner


    • Stefano S.

      The first one is funnier but I have to agree with the other’s opinions that they propagate negative stereotypes,

    • Mikegalanx

      Actually, I heard the first one a long time ago, but the butt of the joke was a preacher, and the kid was an atheist.
      Which actually works better, as they are the ones claiming to have all the answers, and are much more likely to try and push it on innocent bystanders.
      Plus good little Christian children aren’t supposed to use bad language or mock their elders, unlike little godless wiseasses.

      The second one just strikes me as “the proud of being ignorant’ you get from creationists; I suspect they use a rabbi to try and give it a bit of intellectual respectability.

      Still like the atheist funeral one : “All dressed up and no place to go”.

    • Joolz

      Playing the victim card seems to be pretty popular in the comments here. “It’s not so much what people say as what they put the emphasis on.”

      Limiting your opinions to just talking about the perceived arrogance and contributing nothing new to learn from is pretty arrogant in itself.

    • Mickelodian

      well they are jokes…. I suppose. But really funny jokes are funny because there is an implied truth in the joke…. maybe a stereotypical one.

      The first one sort of fails since the atheist could find out about shit….the way everyone finds out shit, by asking folks that know shit! Or reading about shit on the internet…after all the internet is full of shit!

      The second one I didn’t get…. humans are apes aren’t we?….so I didn’t get it.

    • drew

      Seen a friend post the first joke on facebook, I replied ” I guess I have to admit you do know more about shit than me!”

    • Liberals Are Satanic

      How bout one that’s actually short, and funny?

      What do you get when you cross a Jehova’s Witness with an atheist?
      Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

      • D


    • betterlatethannever

      So when an atheist cracks a joke about religion, how is it any different? It is propogating a stereotype as well.. Besides, there is some truth to a statement I read. Christians and jews i have met and talked to are cool people. Never had an issue with any of them.. However atheists i have met are smug d*ckheads.. Very arrogant as well. Try and rationalize all you want, but there is no difference when an atheist makes jokes about the religious, and you want to say it propogates stereotypes? Hypocritical won’t you say?

      • phil

        It would only if the same atheist cracked jokes about religion but complained that jokes about atheism were in poor taste. Hypocritical? Not the scenario you describe.

    • Pingback: Short Funny Clean Jokes | Video Vault()

    • Michele Archer

      LOL!!! What’s funnier? The jokes or the comments? A friend of mine says atheism is prevalent among the emotionally traumatized. Maybe that’s why you sound so humorless, too!

    • KLA

      Honestly not really. Most atheists don’t care unless you bring it up and try to convert them. The second is w completely fallacious equivalence of evolution to atheism. Plenty of Christians, including scientists, accept evolution and I guarantee you

      A great atheist joke is the one about the bear running down the atheist and the atheist yelling “oh god help” because there is truth in that one

    • kevin

      Hmm. For the second one, if I had kids, I could reply that I’m that much closer to flinging poo at them if they displease me…

      You know… in the spirit of the joke, and all.