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Posted by on Nov 19, 2012 in Christianity, God | 2 comments

God’s Plan For You Sucks!

Evangelical Christians often tell people that God has a plan for them and that they should just follow his plan. Aside from the obvious fact that God doesn’t exist, even if he did, that advice would still be problematic.

First, God apparently has horrible communication skills. He can’t seem to relay his plan to anyone. All we have about his alleged plan is this crappy book series written cryptically by anonymous sheep herders in the bronze-age. You could justify anything with the Bible. Numbers 31: 17-18 justifies rape and genocide and yet I don’t even hear the GOP advocating either of those things… although admittedly they do come pretty close.

Also, if God had a perfect plan, then any deviation from that plan would mess up the entire plan. So giving people the advice that they ought to follow God’s plan for them is kind of silly. I choose not to follow God’s plan, so as a result I fucked up God’s plan for you already.

But what if God planned for me to not follow his plan? That’s a good question but it would mean that God planned for me to be tortured for all eternity and that destroys the claim that I “chose” to live a life of sin rebelling against God. God planned for me to rebel all along and I then had no choice in the matter just as the Christian would have no choice by to follow God’s plan. So the advice is still meaningless and now it’s cruel too.

Besides, what exactly is God’s plan? Did anyone bother to read the fine print? If you follow the alleged plan of God and if the conclusion of that plan is that you will end up in Heavenly bliss, you should really reconsider that plan because if you read the fine print it sucks.

First of all, eternity is a pretty long time. I don’t think Christians really realize just how long eternity is. Second, bliss for God is kissing his ass. Yeah, that is what you will be doing for all eternity. Even if that were a fun thing to do and I really don’t think it is, how long can you really kiss God’s ass before it gets pretty boring? After a few thousand years that shit gets old. After a million years you would probably be suicidal except that when you do kill yourself, you will end up right back kissing God’s ass again… for eternity!

I could of course go on about how horrible Heaven is according to the Bible, but I think you get my point. If you actually believe God is real and that Heaven is as described in the Bible, then it is pretty clear that God’s plan for you sucks ass. The good news is that it is all make believe anyway. My plan for you is to live your life. Find what you like to do in life and do it. Be good to others and enjoy your life.

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  1. I see what you did here – nice!!!

    BTW, have you seen George Carlin talking about the futility or prayer? This post kinda reminded me of that.

  2. You got that right.

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